Dear Coleen
My best friend for the past eight years has become really selfish, jealous and angry towards me.
She makes comments when we’re in groups – especially if my boyfriend’s with us – so I always leave because I feel like bursting into tears.
She’s very unhappy in her life, and has depression and anxiety. I’ve always taken it before because I felt sorry for her and wanted to help.
Three weekends ago, we went for a night out with our uni friends.
She made digs at everyone (including bar staff in pubs), which was so embarrassing and led to us having a massive drunken argument in the street, which is so unlike me!
The day after, we both spoke and cried about why she’s so unhappy and why she took it out on us that night.
I told her bluntly that she needed to cut down on drinking and focus on herself.
Since then, she’s not been in contact and has been bad-mouthing me to friends. What do I do? Should I let go of the friendship or fight for my friend?
Coleen says
I think what you did was good – being a true friend is telling her exactly how it is. You have fought for her and I don’t think there’s much more you can do.
If you want to give it one last shot, reiterate that you told her those things because you are her friend and apologise for anything you said in the heat of the moment that was harsh.
But tell her you know she’s been bad-mouthing you and that if she doesn’t want to be your friend any more, that’s fine, but it’s sad.
Suggest meeting somewhere to talk sensibly where there’s no drink involved. Then it’s up to her really.
Hopefully, it’ll force her to think about how she’s been acting and if she wants you as a friend.
Once she’s calmed down and had a chance to think about it, she might realise you are right.
But some people just can’t handle the truth and she could be one of them.
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