Dear Coleen: I'm transgender and becoming a woman but my girlfriend has told me to stop

Dear Coleen

When I met my girlfriend six years ago, I told her in the first six weeks of our relationship that I like to live as a woman at weekends.

She totally accepted it and actually embraced it.

Then three years later she told me she thought I wanted to actually become a woman and should get advice, so I went to my GP and a therapist.

Following two years of consultation, I am now under a gender clinic in the city where I live.

As my girlfriend was so accepting, I let her move into my house with me.

The only bills she pays are the groceries and I cover everything else, from the mortgage and insurance to utilities and holidays.

I even fund her car insurance and other things personal to her.

Now she has accused me of being selfish and says I’ve ruined her life because I am going to transition.

She says that she’ll leave unless I stop becoming a woman.

I am 6ft, a slim size 12 and I’m loving every minute of being the real me. Am I selfish?

I help her at every turn and she knew from the outset I was a feminine cross dresser who, in reality, is transgender.

I work hard, have a lovely home, a great job, brilliant friends – some who know I am transitioning – but my partner is demanding I stop.

But I don’t think I can, having found the real me. But what can I do about my partner?

Coleen says

Please don’t worry that you’re being selfish – you’re not, but she is.

You have been totally honest from the start about who you are and she’s been accepting, and also been very happy to live in your house and be looked after by you financially.

She simply can’t turn the tables now and neither can you give up on your dream now you’re so far down the line. Of course you have to stick with it.

I’m afraid if your girlfriend can’t accept that, then you should go your separate ways. Really, that is the only answer.

Perhaps what’s happened is that now your transition is becoming a reality, she’s suddenly got cold feet.

Maybe, deep down, she never thought you’d actually go through with it.

But that’s her problem, not yours, and if she were being honest with herself, she’d see that.

You won’t be happy unless you follow your heart and see this journey through. She knew what she was getting into when she met you and it was her choice.

It’s not as if you’ve sprung it on her.

More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems

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